How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
