i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it because I queefed?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
