im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
