I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
