I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
