Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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