I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
