I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
