Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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