I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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