Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
