My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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