Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
