i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
