I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My balls are so social today.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
