I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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