I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
