Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
