just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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