he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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