So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
