So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
