just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
