Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
