He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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