In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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