mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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