I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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