im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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