I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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