we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
