She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
