Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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