You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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