I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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