And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
