I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
