Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
high people should be assigned attendants
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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