If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
