i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
