it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
