is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
