tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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