we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
