I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
