he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
