I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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