So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
