ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
