we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
