I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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