So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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