Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
