I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
