Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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